So, early this morning I had a dream. Not weird, and not a nightmare, but still a little disturbing I guess.
I was in my doctor's office, and it WAS my doctor and not some random person (like in many of my dreams). He told me that I had an illness (don't know what) and that I had a limited amount of time to live. He wanted me to go to another doctor for more tests and treatment.
So, to be clear: it was a dream! As far as my real life health goes, I'm doing okay. Yes, I need to lose weight again, and keep an eye on my blood sugar, but there are no obvious issues.
What disturbs me about the dream is that if something major did happen, that's kind of "Game Over" for me. I don't have insurance, nor do I have the money to pay for testing, much less treatment. There are two issues for me in this...
1) I have lost a lot of my life to depression issues. Even now, I struggle on a day to day basis. Getting out of bed and putting on clothes can be a major accomplishment for me. I live in a house where I suffered much trauma and abuse, so I struggle to set all of that aside as best I can so I can work, create, try to make some headway towards my dreams. People say to me that I should leave, and my response is "How?" I barely make enough money each month to pay my bills. I long to move to Thailand, but that requires money. Most of my income comes to me from eBay. Anyway, I'm working on this and on making changes.
2) Medical care in America costs so much! In all honesty, if something happens to me (like a heart attack), I hope it just takes me out. The medical bills will devastate any possible future I could have. It shouldn't be that way. Part of why I want to live in Thailand is that medical care there is affordable. The actual medical technology is on par with the States, and I'll likely receive better care there than I would here. Yes, I do face some issues as a patient without insurance. It's subtle, but there is some discrimination there. My primary doctor is fine - but I've encountered it elsewhere.I don't make enough money to pay for insurance. Our medical system shouldn't be this way. So many other countries make Health Care For All work, so I don't understand why America can't.
Anyway, that's it. I just wanted to write a bit about that dream, since it stuck with me. It's nice to get some of that out. Again, I'm doing fine with my health, but I do worry about health and health care issues from time to time. I assume the dream was just a manifestation of those worries. Fingers crossed that I win the lottery or something and no longer have to worry. Of course, lottery wins bring new worries...
Take Care! Thanks for reading!
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