So, as a single gay male, I am on some dating sites. Sad to say, there ain't much to them. If you're not on the make for sex, no one is interested. Sorry that I want more from you than a one-time sexual encounter. However, I'm on one site, and actually do have someone there I chat with regularly. He's the only reason I stay there. Well, I had looked at someone else's profile, and sent him a generic "Hi, how are you" message. It was, in my mind at least, an invitation for further conversation. What was the response? Instead of the usual deafening silence, I got hit with "I'm a big bottom!"
Really? You felt the need to respond to "Hello" with "I'm a big bottom!"??? I responded to him because this guy wrote, at length, about how he wanted a relationship and other things about himself. Now, I don't expect anything from online dating except that it's an introduction. You have to meet in the real world to see if there's any chemistry. I just couldn't believe that response. Even if I had been looking for sex, that type of response is such a turn off!
Dating seems to be beyond me. I'm 47, overweight, introverted, and I identify more as a comics geek than gay man. But it wasn't any easier when I was in my 20's and slender. A big part of the problem is that the gay community is very clique-ish, and I don't fit in. I never have fit in. It took a long time for me to get there, but I'm okay with that. I'd rather stand out than fit in. Yes, I have tried to fit in. It never works out, so I'd rather just be me. The only place I really seem to fit in is with comic geeks, and most of them are straight/hetero.
These days, I don't meet many new people. I don't go to the bars anymore. I don't drink (or smoke, or take drugs) and I'm not too interested in dancing, so I don't see the point. I never really liked the people I met in bars. I'm tired of getting hit on by men who are already partnered (or married). I'm not the other man, so stop trying to make me into that! I've always managed to attract the wrong person, and I'm tired of that.
So, what should I do? People will say that there's more places to meet gay men than the bars. Really? In my city, it's the bars or the gay church. I've been to the gay church. It's just as clique-ish as the bars, but with the added bonus of militant lesbians glaring at you for daring to be male! (Yes, really! There is a faction of lesbians who are anti-male, and a faction of gay men who are anti-female.) I have noticed Meet-Up groups popping up, but most of those meetings seem to dovetail with 1) other plans that have been made or 2) a lack of funds to go do anything.
So, what's a guy to do? I'll muddle on through, I suppose. I'm content with my own company, and I don't feel that I *NEED* to be in a relationship. I'm thankful for that. I have friends I can hang out with, and I'm also happy to go out on my own. It would be nice to meet more people, and with these online dating sites, I approach it as meeting a potential friend. Maybe we'd all have a better time of finding what we want (relationship, a good lay, etc...) if we took the approach of meeting a potential friend, instead of answering people with "I'm a big bottom!"